The Nanny

I will start out by saying that when I am starting a family I do not plan to have a nanny. While I do know that raising kids and having a career is a difficult task I just feel like there is something wrong if I feel that someone else should be raising my kids and taking care of my house. What does that say about me as a parent? That I'm not good enough to raise kids? That I don't think my kids are worth my time?

When I was younger my mom had a cleaning lady who came once a week while we were at school, but this only went on for a few years. I think it was because we didn't really need her. I grew up in a fair sized suburban house in the US and since moving to Israel a year and a half ago I have noticed an abundance of families who hire Philippinos to clean their houses and some to take their kids things like taking them to the park and picking them up form school. Maybe its because the parents a busy, maybe its because the nanny is cheap whatever the reason, the house sizes of these people in relation to what I grew up in makes me feel like they don't need it.

I can see having help every once in a while like a babysitter or even if I'm going to be hosting a party but to hire someone on a regular basis to come and do my dishes just seems a bit absurd! I know that we are all busy with our lives but there is just something so homey feeling about a house that is taken care of naturally.

The other week I was at a friends house and his mom was making a home made birthday cake for his sister's birthday with homemade frosting. The whole time I was there I was thinking about how I miss being at home with my family for birthdays and the cake my mom makes with the same frosting. Most of the places that I go to for the weekends people just buy cakes, pastries and challot but when you grow up on homemade stuff its so hard to go back to the bakery. Living away from home I've come to appreciate my parents so much more and I thank them for raising me the way that they did.

A Post On Parenting

While I know that I am not a parent, and it is an incredibly challenging job there are just a few things that parents do that bother me.  I am not saying that the people who do these things are bad parents, I just feel that when I have my own kids there are a few things that I will try to make sure that I don't do.

Using The World As A Bathroom: This is one that I see parents doing all the time. I know that when you gotta go you gotta go and especially for little kids it is hard for them to hold it in, but what are you teaching your kids? That its okay to just drop your pants anywhere and go when the urge comes?  What are you saying about the environment? About hygiene? I kid you not, I was at the park today and there was a parent who's child had to use the bathroom so he picked up his daughter took off her pants and let her go right there next to the slide! Not only is that indecent its just plain gross!

Cell Phones: I know that taking your kids to the park everyday is not the most exciting of events but really? There was a father who spent the entire time at the park with his daughter looking at his cell phone! There used to be a lot of mothers who would bring a book to the park to read while the kids played, I feel that a book is better than a phone. There is something about a cell phone that just sucks you into it and before you know it time is just gone. It would not surprise me if the father were at the park on his cell phone and his daughter were snatched up and he wouldn't have noticed.

Breastfeeding In Public Places: There have been numerous discussions in recent years on this topic and I don't want to get too wrapped up in this one. I feel that there are right places and wrong places for it.  The other week I was on a bus sitting next to a woman who was breastfeeding, while she was covered it was still a little uncomfortable.  I think that if you do need to do it in a public place then maybe it needs to be done in less proximity to other people. Like say a crowded bus is not the place.

Public Transit: Car are expensive, I get it.  But there has to be a limit right? A family with 5 kids gets on a crowded bus to travel between cities and want to sit together, the kids are little and loud and the parents have to buy the tickets and then deal with moving people around so they can all sit together. Is it really that much more to rent a car for the few times that you take a family trip to visit the grandparents?

The Nanny: Alright, I'm not really going to stick with just a nanny in this one.  There are many families here in Israel that are always looking to hire a nanny or a cleaning lady and I know there are some people who really need them and don't have them and then there are people who feel that they really need them and don't really need them. I am just going to say here that I don't want to have a nanny or a cleaning lady. There are also parents that are always looking for a nanny to basically raise their kids, from bringing them home from school to weekly baby sitters. I know parents have to work but shouldn't they be trying to make time for their kids?  The occasional help would be nice but I grew up with out one so I don't see the need. 

This is my short list of parenting pet-peeves. I have a bit more to say on the nannies you can find my follow up post here.

There are so many interesting books on parenting out there:
Parenting For Dummies
When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood
Parenting From the Inside Out

Do Students Need To Be Taught Class Room Etiquette?

I don’t know what it is like in other universities, but in my classes there is rarely any quiet. Perhaps it is the Israeli students who have not been taught the proper behavior that should be displayed in a classroom. This week we had a special visit from the Dean of the Communications school the purpose of his visit was to educate us on proper class room etiquette.


The first order was being on time. The lecture that he spoke in starts every week at 12:30 and I don’t think any of the students know when it starts. When I got to the university at 10 to 12 a fellow student stopped me and asked why no one was coming to the Dean’s lecture, I told her that the class doesn’t start until 12:30 she was surprised. It was well after 13:00 when students stopped showing up and every time the door opened he stopped talking.


He went on about how we go to a great university and other students would have loved to take our place. He spoke about how we have all these amazing lecturers who come to speak and is it really asking too much for us to give them just a little respect? He made a suggestion that I think if the university really went through with it would make a change in the classroom behavior. What was suggested was for every student who comes late to a lecture they should have their name taken down and for the next lesson they should have to make a presentation to the class. If they continue to disrupt classes they will be sent to a personal meeting with the dean. The final stage would be to send the student in question to a disciplinary hearing which could end in suspension from the institution.


It all just sounds so juvenile but they sad thing is that there are students who really do need to be taught how to act in a classroom. This ordeal was yesterday and today I was sitting in the front row of a class, and you know how people say that if you sit in the front rows of a class chances are you will do better because there is less distraction? Well in the second row directly behind me were these Israeli girls who wouldn’t stop talking the whole time and the lecturer didn’t do or say anything to them. These same girls had been sitting next to me during the lecture with the dean and because they were talking the lecturer after the dean had to stop class 3 to 4 times to ask for quiet. I’m still wondering why she didn’t just throw them out, that’s what I would have done.


Is this only in our school? Is it like this in other universities too?

What is wrong?

Today in my philosophy class we were talking about a principles and morality. We were discussing Plato's "Crito" where Socarates is faced with a moral issue. Socrate's premise is "we are never intentially to do wrong." But what does this mean? Socrates then comes to a more refined premise, he defines wrong as anything that one should not do. He even goes as far as to say that we should not do evil to evil. In today's world we are always out for revenge, someone hurt you so you get back at them.

The only issue I have is how far does this go? I understand that in my every day life I can be mad at someone for doing something wrong to me but I should be work on not trying to take revenge on others. Imagine what a world it would be if there was no more fighting and revenge. I saw somewhere recently, I really can't remember where that if the fighting in the middle east stopped then there would be world peace. I don't believe that I think that even if there was peace in the Middle East then all the other problems in the world would come to an end. What about Africa and other places with corrupt governments and people who are restless? Should we still have armies? How far can we possibly take this idea that we should not do evil even if evil is done to us? Doesn't that mean that if someone does something wrong and they can get away with it, then they will continue to do wrong until there is some sort of consequence?

5 Reasons Why I Love Going to Families for Shabbos

I have been living in Israel for the past two years and while I don’t find anything wrong with staying in my own apartment for the weekend, and I have done it before there is just something about going to a family for the weekend that makes it feel so much more special. For me it is not about the food or not needing to clean my apartment for shabbos but rather it is more about the company.

1. Being With A Family

When you live on your own there are times when you just miss being part of a family. When I go to friends I don’t usually feel like I’m a part of the family but it is just the environment that makes it feel closer to home than being alone in your apartment or even just eating with friends. It is a more familiar feeling that sometimes we just miss when we are away from your own family.

2. Home Cooking

I will admit that I like to cook for myself. I’m not saying that I’m an amazing chef, but when all week I’m eating pasta and trail mix and the occasional pizza, having some home made food is great. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with ordering take-out but some times you really just need a home made chicken soup.

3. Seeing Friends

Everyone is living on their own schedule, we’re all busy and the weekend is the only time that everyone has off. It is a time when we can all just sit down and talk about what’s going on in our lives, without the technology of everyday life we get to talk with out distractions.

4. Houses

This is something that when you live at home you take advantage of and don’t even think about it anymore. But after living in a dorm and even an apartment some times I is the size of a house, or seeing a real kitchen with a stocked fridge, as a student you really begin to appreciate all the little things in life.

5. Going Different Places

Sometimes we can just use a change of scenery. While I do have a few families that I go to often in the area, on occasion I will make an effort to visit a friend in a different city just to be able to meet up with them and see a different place. Even going to different houses in the same place is a way that I use to change things up. Its interesting to see how different families are and how living in different parts of the same city can be so different.

The list is a little short but it’s the honest to goodness truth about why I love going to a family for shabbos. I try to make sure that it’s a family that I know, there are websites like “Anywhere In Israel” that will set you up with a family to go to if you don’t have any one but it just kind of scares me. IF you have somewhere to go, or somewhere you like to go then make an effort to go there, or to visit a new place to gain a new experience it is so interesting how different families are.

Moving Money From American Paypal to Israeli Bank Account

You may ask yourself why would anyone be trying to move money from an American paypal account to an Israeli bank account? There are simple things that would make someone want to do this, firstly if you opened your paypal account while in the US your email address becomes linked to the account so in order to open an Israeli paypal account you will need a new email address which is a small annoyance. If you have American bank accounts it would make sense to have paypal from the US, but then what if you make aliya? Now you want to have access to that money, but paypal doesn’t allow you to link an Israeli Bank account to your American paypal.

When I first began trying to figure out to move money from an American paypal account to an Israeli I had never thought that it would be so difficult. It has been months working out how to do this, testing different methods and Googleing to see if anyone else was having this issue, a part of me hoping someone else had figured it out. It was just by chance that I finally figured it out; it was one of those moments where you say to yourself “now why didn’t I think of that weeks ago?”

One of the first problems had been that my paypal account was an American one, I had signed up for it while being in the states so it was obvious that I wouldn’t be able to move money into my Israeli Bank account without absurd charges. A friend of mine had an Israeli paypal account and thought it would be as simple as 1, 2, 3 to move money from one account to the other and then into a bank account. It would seem that we were right, it just took some time to get there. When ever we tried to send money from one account to the other we always got the same error. That paypal does not allow sending money to the specified account.

This morning I was sitting in class playing with paypal I hit the send money button and selected the personal payment option but hit a wall again. Then I looked at the page and wondered what if I tried to send the money not as a personal “gift” but as a payment for a service or good the other person had provided me? Walla! I hit payment for “goods” and was prompted to enter my security question before sending the money! What I did next was open a new paypal account with my alternate email (the one I send all my spam to) but this time I opened it as an Israeli. This new account I linked to my Israeli bank account, now its as simple as sending a “gift” to myself I can move money from one paypal account to the other and then on to my bank account.

There is a charge from moving money from paypal to a bank account in Israel, its 8 NIS for transfers under 1,000 NIS and they take 1.20 NIS per transfer but this is a small price to pay for a transaction that done through the banks could cost upwards of $20 for a IBAN or wire transfer. Who’d have thought at changing one setting would make all the difference.

Tzav Rishon

On Wednesday morning I received a phone call from Nefesh B’Nefesh informing me that the army has been looking for me. Needless to say I spent the rest of the day freaking out that they were going to draft me and I was going to be forced into a position that I really don’t want because that is what has been happening to my boyfriend since he joined the Hesder track two years ago. After class when I got home I called the army to find out what they wanted and turns out they had the wrong address for me so they were calling me in for what they call a “tzav rishon” and since I had missed the first three that were sent to me I had to come in the next morning for it.

I called a friend of mine frantic because I had not been prepared for being called in. When I made Aliya a year ago it was a few days before my 20th birthday which is the age that generally women do not have to serve in the army. It was not that I was trying to avoid doing service like most religious girls, it was more that just happened to be the most convenient time to make Aliya.
Going to the recruitment office for the first time was very intimidating, mainly because when you ask someone for help for the most part the soldiers there don’t really have any idea what they are talking about. I felt like I was the ball in a game of table tennis. One desk would tell me where to go and I would go there only to be told that I was supposed to go somewhere else.  The best part had to be when I was sitting at one station for over an hour until they called me in to tell me that I was at the wrong station!

At the doctor’s station I waited for over 2 and a half hours to be called in. The soldiers there were so immature about everything, made me think that they are not so different from the 17-18 year-olds who are in the waiting area.  This made me feel old because the whole time I was sitting there I was thinking about all the things that I could have been doing with all this free time.  When I was finally called into see the doctor a soldier came in to ask the doctor if she speaks English because there was a guy who didn’t speak any Hebrew and she went on a whole rant about how she doesn’t think she should have to embarrass herself speaking English if there are other doctors who speak better English, I didn’t say anything while I was sitting there and then when she turned to me and asked me a question I said, “I’m sorry I don’t speak Hebrew.” The look on her face was priceless.

Now what no one told me was that I was going to have to get undressed for the doctor appointment. In the states when you go to the doctor you don’t have to take off your clothes, so I said to her “and what if I don’t want to?” Then she got all mad at me saying that I’m making a mistake being difficult… when really all I wanted to know was what if I’m not comfortable getting undressed, is there an alternative.  Apparently there isn’t.  She told me that because of my age she doesn’t think that they are going to call me in, and then afterwards she sent me back to the room I started in.

When I got down to the room they had no idea what I was doing there so they sent me to the front desk, who sent me to a room for a computer test. Everyone there was freaking out about the test and I had been told that it was going to take a few hours so if I wanted to come back another day that would be fine.  I was thinking I came here this morning and I really don’t want to come back another day so what the hell I’ll take their test.  The test was able to be given in English and what I didn’t know was that it was a much easier test than the one that the Israelis were taking. All I had to do was match up shapes and patterns.  To me seemed like the biggest joke ever.

Now all that’s left is to wait for them to send me a draft date, go to the rabbanut and decide what I’m going to do. The options are to opt out because of religious reasons or try and get into “Atudat Olim” and hope that I can get a job in my field.

He's A Solider ... Again

Photo Credit

A week ago my boyfriend was drafted into the Israeli army.  We had been sure that he would be given what Israelis call a “jobnik” basically this means that he would have a desk job where he’d be able to come home every night.  But this was not the case, he was drafted to the Air Force and sent to a base down south in the Negev.  This past week was nearly impossible to get through, this was the first time that I have been in the same country when he was in the army. Last time he was drafted I was working in the US. It was hard but the time difference  and my busy days made it a little easier to get through. Now I am in school for a few hours every day and the rest of the time I have to find what to do to fill the time while he is away.

A few weeks ago we had been talking about our relationship and he had said that I need to work on being more independent. Now I don’t know about most people be just the fact that I moved 6,000 miles away from home and have been living on my own for the past two years should count for something.  But he said that his going away for the next two months for basic training will be good for us.

This week was one of the hardest weeks to get through. It started with Sunday when he went in to the “Bakum” and was sure that it was going to  take too long for them to get everything done so he wouldn’t be going to his base until Monday morning. Which turned out not to be the case, he got to the base at 10 pm Sunday night. Now the week before he had come over to visit on Thursday night after a day at the Bakum, because we weren’t going to be spending the weekend together.  He was scheduled to be in the base from Sunday until the Friday of the following week, basically for 2 weeks on base and then one weekend at home.

I’m sure we are no different than most relationships, we text a lot and call each other all the time.  It was weird that my phone was never going off during the day and on my way home from school I didn’t stop by his house to see him for a little before going home. That has been the hardest part of this week. Then on top of it I had my own dealings with the army that I had to go at alone. (Link to next post) But more about that in a later post.

This week I really realized how much he means to me. That it was more than just someone to do things with but someone who’s opinions I care about and when I have a problem he’s the one that I call. Basically he is my closest friend and I was really not prepared for him to be taken away like that.  We do get to talk on the phone almost every night but he only gets one hour before bed to shower, get ready for bed and make his phone calls so I’m competing for phone time with all the missed calls he has from the day and his parents.

I know that there are a lot of couples that go through this and there are many that make it through and then there are the unfortunate ones who don’t make it. He keeps telling me that I have to be strong for the both of us, because where he is he can’t focus too much on our relationship and that where he is its hard enough.  I really am trying to stay strong but it has been proving to be very difficult. The one thing that has really helped me through this week has been keeping busy.  I watch movies and TV shows to fill the time and as a distraction from watching my phone waiting for a  text or a phone call that isn’t going to come.